Hindsight

You know the phrase, but recent events have really shown me just how true it is. I left my previous employer with a gas can and a match in hand and there is nothing left to that bridge. Was it my finest moment? No. Do I regret it? Not one little bit. Now, after recent events involving former coworkers, I’m ready to go and light the ashes on fire, just for good measure.

It is not a secret that violence against nurses is live and well in the United States. Daily nurses experience verbal slights anywhere from snide comments to straight up having their life threatened. I have personally experienced the gambit of patients, quite honestly, being stupid and saying downright ridiculous things. I have also been slapped, pinched, punched, shoved, and everything in between. I spent hours upon hours on the phone crying to my mom and my bonus mom about how I wasn’t sure if I could continue in emergency medicine and what else I should do with my new career. Now, here is the caveat, I started my career in the height of a global pandemic AND the facility I chose has a psych facility so you can imagine the volume of patients needing those services that are seen there. That was a combination that would test anyone’s fortitude, let alone a brand new nurse.

But didn’t you know what you were getting into? Sort of. I was naive and trusted the information I received about the patients seen at that facility. All I ever heard were how the patients are “sick as snot.” And they are/were. The part they left out was how understaffed they were {presumably because they can’t keep staff}, how many violent psych patients would be seen daily, and that you would automatically be blamed if something went awry with a patient. In one instance, I was personally verbally attacked and would have been physically assaulted if there had not been three other nurses there to restrain the patient. I’m embarrassed to say it, but I didn’t react well. I was at a point where the demands of the job and commute had me in a very dark, scary place mentally and this situation was just the cherry on top of a total shit sandwich. Needless to say, I lost it. I was crying and couldn’t stop and thankfully, I was directed to a room where I could have some privacy. As I struggled to get it together and my manager came in and the first words out of her mouth were “You were doing so well!” Not, “are you okay” or “what can I do to help” or anything of that nature. Nope… just an implication that I was the one to blame because I couldn’t handle the emotional toll of the entire situation. I learned from that experience that it was buck up and shut up.

If you aren’t appalled yet, just wait…

Flash forward a bit… A fellow nurse and I were physically wrestling a patient back into bed and said patient spit in the other nurses eye. Of course the safety glasses had been knocked off of their face and what was a purposeful and calculated attack on a nurse was deemed and reported as an “accidental exposure” and said nurse was reprimanded for not wearing the proper PPE. Now it has gotten to the point where a former coworker was physically attacked with injuries and management once again showed their backsides. Instead of getting that nurse the support and resources they need to start the healing process mentally and physically, they asked why that nurse was in the room alone with a psych patient. Now if your blood isn’t boiling by this point, I am not doing this topic justice. I’m not going to lie, my first instinct is to blast this facility and put the manager’s name out there for all to shame, but that isn’t my story to tell with any more details that I laid out here.

I’m truly at a loss at what to do. There is a very large part of me that wants to do something, but what? I don’t work there anymore and it would be easy for them to paint me as a disgruntled former employee and invalidate what I have to say. I’m certain that their track record of staff turn-around and other nurses’ stories would confirm, but at what cost? People still need to feed their families. Hospital systems are masters at sweeping things under the rug. The worst part is that it isn’t fair and it isn’t right, but that seems to be the world we live in. Everyone has the opportunity to find greener pastures, but what about the baby nurse that is coming up behind us? Do we owe them to prevent the same things from happening to them?

I know there is a much larger conversation at play here and there isn’t one simple solution, but it isn’t in me to just sit back and let it go. On the other hand, I am but one person and I don’t have it in me to kick that hornets nest and then deal with the fallout, so I’m not really sure what the point of this post is. Maybe to get it all out? Maybe to raise a little bit of awareness? Maybe to warn nurses to do their due diligence in researching their potential employer? I’m not sure, really. But know that this happens every single day regardless of how management responds to it. Just be sure that you know how it will go WHEN it happens to you.