When you graduate nursing school, you run on the assumption that the world is your oyster. Nurses are in high demand. Your good grades will shine among other applicants. Your previous healthcare experience will be seen as an asset. Well friends, I’m here to tell you that either all of this is utter and complete BS or Covid has drastically changed the landscape of nursing.
I’m not going to lie, I’m not sure if I am merely the piece of sand in the oyster that just hangs out and irritates the snot out of the critter until it somehow becomes a pearl or the poor creature that has the piece of sand wedged into a delicate place and all I can do is endure until it turns into a pearl. Needless to say, I’m struggling. The patient load is insane, the politics are exhausting, and the commute might be the death of me. {The silver lining is that I have lost about 8 pounds working my shift because I just don’t have time to eat and I’m too dang exhausted when I get home to consume a full meal.} Don’t worry though, I had a bit of weight to lose from nursing school.
I have been in my job since June which means I saw the tail end of the first wave. The staff was optimistic as the “normal” rhythm of the ER started again. Sure there were many ICU holds but I saw it as a learning experience. And then the wheels fell off. Completely not Covid related, but policies changed, staffing changed, and the job as I learned it was different and there were now more responsibilities. I’m not complaining, it just made transitioning into being a big girl nurse that much more challenging. And then… I learned what was behind the curtain of management’s office. The pretty picture that was painted in my interview and orientation was burned to the ground. I’m not going to lie, there was at least two weeks in a row where I seriously contemplated just never going back. The number of days in a row where I was physically threatened, yelled at, swore at, and told I’m not good at my job {a direct quote from a patient}, was exhausting. In fact, I was so over it, I started applying to any job that wasn’t ER or med-surg. How about a clinic? I’m in. The job seems a bit boring, but the hours are awesome. Pre/Post-op? Absolutely. Cardiology? I’ll take it. A boogie IV bar rehydrating the elite that partied too hard the night before? Why not? Basically anything that might be closer to home and somewhere where the odds of me getting the shit kicked out of me by a psych patient seemed the better option. I knew I didn’t have the magical one year of experience as a bedside nurse, but I had many other redeeming qualities that should make me stand out on paper. {And I knew I could solidify the deal with my sparkling personality in an interview.} But those interviews never came. Every resume I submitted was a no thank you. Which brings me to my original thought… Even in a pandemic, finding a job relies heavily on who you know, not what you know.
I am fully aware that I might be just a leetle bitter, but the sheer volume of no’s that I received on my applications was frustrating. For most of them, I had all of the qualifications that they required you to have 6-12 months after your hire date and yet I got the message that they were pursuing candidates more aligned with the qualifications. Looking back, I realize this is probably just a boilerplate response that all people get, but I’m not gonna lie, in the midst of all the rejections, I started to wonder what the heck I was doing and doubting pretty much all of my life choices for the last two years. And then… My phone rang.
I interviewed, interviewed with a second person, and ultimately was told “not right now.” It was both promising and devastating at the same time. I was told to check back in a few months so I basically just wrote it off. It was too good to be true anyway. {Hello, self-preservation tactics.} Boy was I shocked when a few months later, I got a call again. So now I’m waiting to hear officially, but I really think good things are in the works for me. Things that are closer to home, far less stressful, and has a huge potential for growth. I’m trying to temper my excitement, but it’s hard. Until then, I continue to work toward more certifications, learn all I can at work, and try to make the best of my off days.
The Diary of a Mad Nursing Student *Turned ER Nurse* 