You get what you ask for.

You had better be careful what you ask for because you will get it.

I had quite the opportunity to not only use my clinical skills, but also use some serious critical thinking to identify a problem, and figure out what, as a student, I could do about it.  I’m so proud of myself and to be honest, it was just what I needed.  I have been second guessing myself this entire semester, constantly wondering if I lost ‘it’.  It’s hard to say what ‘it’ is.  The confidence that I can handle a situation; the ability to recall information in real-time with a real patient in front of you; the connection of symptoms and outcomes and what has to happen in between; the poker face that can look neutral to a patient but let other providers know that something just isn’t right.

I may sound arrogant, but I was one hell of an EMT.  I was good at what I did and I worked, trained, and studied hard to provide my patients with the best care I could possibly give.  Here we are, almost a decade later, and I had no idea if I still had ‘it’.  If ‘it’ was all still in there.  If the history of the last ten years had changed my perceptions and my ability to be that person again.  Not only did I get the opportunity to see that I do in fact still have ‘it’, I am realizing my perception of life and people is vastly different making the ‘it’ factor something different.  Something better.  After all, how could it not be after growing a human inside your body and then learning trusting the world around you because you can’t protect him 24/7?  {That doesn’t mean I won’t go full on momma bear if need be.  Because I will.}

I honestly feared that being a mom would affect my ability to care for patients.  I feared that in some way, my mental status {which is now quite stable thanks to modern medicine, self-care, and a really good support system} would hinder me in some capacity or another.  And you know what?  Both certainly have changed me, but only in the best ways possible.

I truly think that the more we live life, the more we can relate to those around us and it can boost our confidence in not only how we care for patients, but also why.  I don’t believe my insecurities will never really go away, and I’m sure {or at least hoping} that I’m not alone in this.  Admitting you are terrified, in the appropriate setting, can’t be all that bad.  I just wouldn’t go around telling patients you’ve only done a skill once… in lab.

What about you?  Do you have insecurities about patient care?  What are ways that you are working on overcoming that?  I would love to hear other ways fellow students (or you that have made it across the finish line) address and set aside those things that tells us we can’t.