It’s so hard to say goodbye

To yesterday.

Sing with me now!  Oh wait, did I just age myself here?  Oh well.  I embrace my single gray hair (that I have lovingly named Myrtle) and my love of most things 90’s.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s get back to the topic at hand.  Saying goodbye. So what in the world am I saying goodbye to other than the financial freedom to do whatever I want, a career I have built from the ground up, and sleep?  I’m not really sure, but lately the hesitation to go through with this entire plan has been bubbling up and starting to cause some serious doubts.  The more that I think about it, the more I reach for the industrial size bottle of Tums.  The pressure to succeed is almost suffocating.  If I give up our current status quo, don’t do well and don’t love being a nurse, have I let myself and my family down?

People.  I am terrified.  Yes, I am also equally excited to do what I have dreamed of since I was a little girl, but mostly just terrified.  So many things are about to change and not just in my bank account.  The time I get with my boys, the time I get with my friends, the flexibility in my calendar I have become accustomed to, and it warrants saying again, sleep.

I am trying to find the balance between being confident and excited and fully embracing the fact that I don’t know what the heck I am doing.  Sure, I can fake it until I make it all day long, but when it comes down to it, will I regret this?  I’m sure that if you have been reading this blog you are getting sick of hearing about my fears and worries, but I’m fairly confident that this is a large part of starting the program regardless of age or experience.  Right?

Someone validate my feelings!

In the mean time, I’ll be over here singing and pouring one out for my social life and stability.  It is hard to say goodbye.